There is a season...

Turn Turn Turn...


So here I am again. Since I'm awake and feeling like I'm on waiting on the horizon for the sun to rise what better to do than to blog? And for the record I dislike the term blog. It's so bloggy and not at all eloquent. I prefer something like "shoot the breeze," journal, or simply run at the mouth (or my fingers really). This is not what I've come here to talk about though.

So, per usual my job still drives me nuts. With each day I go there I feel I'm losing a part of myself and replacing it with a bitter morsel of dispair or even enmity. And the more I complain about it the bigger the hypocrite I feel. I must put my feet where my mouth is. And if there is one thing nurses have the freedom to do it is walk out the door and find another place that needs us just as much. Granted that my current type of nursing is not my cup of tea. In fact most of the current healthcare...scratch that. Most of our current state of health in America is not my cup of tea!

So you might ask, what would you do about it then? Well, that is exactly what I harp on about on a regular basis (or enough to be known around my circles as a health nut): health promotion. Yes...encourage humans to live to their fullest instead of being slaves to consumerism, inactivity, diseases of affluence, and otherwise zombie-like existences.
[insert ad for Wall-E here...is this really too far off?]


sooooooooo...i've been walking around saying i want to do something like health promotion...and then i would usually say "yes, but i can't afford to work at the health department." or "the job i want doesn't exist. no one cares about preventing disease in the first place. they would rather just treat it once it's too late."
but after my job ticked me off for the last time i came home in search of another one. and what to my wondering eyes should appear? but a job posting entitled "health promotion representative". i was so excited about the job description i jumped right into editing my resume instead of sleeping. and you don't know how much i usually detest resumes.

so basically, I'm hoping to be hired based soley on my enthuasism for the subject. haha. no really.

in the meantime i'm still on a vegan kick. which is really not a kick at all, but just a new way of living. and i find this has led me into the world of organic foods..which has led me back to the idea of gardening...which has led me to be firmly stuck on the idea of organic gardening...which puts all sorts of ideas and dreams into my head about healthy food, poor people, fully enriched lives, happiness, and bluebirds, and all that other crap that will get you thrown into the freak category. and this does not even take into account that i'm a christian or the music i listen to (which i'm told counts as "hippie-catterwalling").








all these changes and the thinking i've done lately has led me to the conclusion that i need not have this thick skin or toughness i've been wishing for all this time. Instead i believe that being myself might just lead me out of the wrong paths and onto the ones that actually enrich my life. so yes...i can still be a kid...but only in the sense that maybe as a child i was the real me.

Can I just be a toys R kid?

Okay, I admit it. I've decided I don't want to grow up. It might be too late for that though. You know what is so annoying to discover: i'm not tough at all. I used to picture myself like a tough little cookie...like V.I Warshawski or Cate Blanchett's characters.

And now after all these years I discover I'm not the least bit tough. ugh. It might just be that I'm overly stressed now, but I think it might be true. I'm really like those annoying characters in movies that you want to slap and tell them to git a grip. What has brought me to this realization? Just the little things that come with being a grown up I guess. Good and Bad things...doesn't matter, i just want to stay an immature kid i think. let me think on the last few months:
-ugh, i turned a quarter of century old.
-just bought a new car.


-took 3 vacations which is a bit luxurious and yet somehow not completely satisfying
-found a primary care physician? lame.
-i'm vegan now. weird.
-i'm responsible for the lives of others on a regular basis.
-and now i've had my first patient die. this sucks beyond belief. despite all the interventions they are still gone. what the heck?
-i have a car payment to go with the pretty new car.
-i review my credit report. you know as a kid you don't even have one...so carefree.
-now when i go to weddings people expect that i must want to be in my own.
-i get a bit of road rage when people tailgate me.
-my brain is so full of information i've become senile...that or i'm dehydrated and hungry and therefore cannot think. which ever...you know this never happens to kids. they always have something clever to say.
-i work in a job i don't like and yet cannot bring myself to quit...did i mention new car payment?
-i'm responsible for making sure other people get fed...okay it's the cats and dogs..but still.
-i can't just lean on the faith of my mother...i've got to have my own. hmmm.
-they say gas prices are high. i've not thought a lot about it...but i'm sure it's bad for me;D
-i'm not in the military...so i'm stuck with all the responsibilty of my life...

crazy cat lady

this image makes me feel better about myself. i swear. less like a cat lady and more like some freaky disney character that attracts nature. hahaha. plus that black cat looks just like mine! okay enough. i only have one cat of my own. can i help it that people can't think of anyone else to watch their animals?

hmmm. it's 2008. yea? i'm totally not focused on my own life, but these writers'. i have no ties to the WGA and yet i can think of nothing else than this darned writers strike. i swear i'd go stand in my driveway with a picket sign if i had one. i do have my shirt. so yea for me. someone give me a cookie.

and now i've really gone off my rocker. besides slaving away at work (and occassionally having emotional outbreaks in front of my coworkers...so embarrasing. i think i need thicker skin. do they sell that at the gap?), going to the gym with a personal trainer and the whole shebang, getting massages, paying my ex gay boyfriend with food to give me piano lessons, and whatever else i've been doing....i now have taken up acting classes. what can i be thinking. and on top of it..auditioned for a talent agency (only b/c my acting coach pushed me into it). don't worry. i don't have any word yet either way. but what on earth could i be thinking? i'm a nurse, right?

now for a brief interlude. don't you miss those overtures in the middle of a film?


why don't they have those anymore?
i've only seen a handful of film lately, but i did enjoy them all.
juno: nice. nice.
i'm not there: freakishly fun. cate blanchett are you for real. and who wants to be train hopping poor black child just like bob dylan? i do i do. if only people put more pies out in their windows...and there were less scary guys cutting people's heads off. darn them.
enchanted: yes, i did. and i loved it! amy adams is totally awesome in those type roles. it's hilarious. i was even able to laugh at the roaches...while trying not to throw up.

and all of them had fun soundtracks. i was so happy. i think the old people in the dylan movie thought i was blasphemis when i ran out of the theatre during the end credits' "Like a rolling stone." you don't understand though. i'd been holding for like an hour and a half. i figured it would be worse to walk out during the actual film. but it was amazing to see everyone else glued to the seat at the end of that. usually i'm the only one watching credits. okay. i'm done. nothing else to rattle on about....except how excited i am about the upcoming zooey deschanel album..and m ward. he's cool. ooh ooh and beirut....i just discovered this madness.i love it!