While watching "The Accidental Tourist" I had a sudden thought that the book might be more enjoyable than the film (as interesting as the film is). This got me thinking about reading in general. And more importantly it made me think about my not so recent aversion to reading. When did it happen and why?

I like the idea of a good book. I like to hold a real book and maybe even secretly enjoy that gross old book smell. As a child I spent a great deal of time reading. I loved being able to go on an adventure without leaving the couch. And I could relish the delight of knowing that some bits of wisdom written down by an author ages ago still rang true today.

I'm not sure what happened but I sort of dread reading now. I usually only have the time and patience for non-fiction that I might find useful in my life. I really can't think of the last fiction I read. I don't know when this happened. Am I lazy? Did college leave me no room for any more reading? Have I given over to easy entertainment in the form of television and movies? I don't think so. If there was anything I used to do more than read, it was watch TV. And I can hardly tolerate that now.

Maybe it's the high-speed life we live now. After all the last book I purchased was bought with a few swipes and is easily read on my iphone. That old book smell has been replaced with the little swiper page. I will admit that does give me a little thrill. And at the same time I feel almost sad to think that i no longer enjoy sitting quietly with a real live book.

I keep meeting people in my real life and have seen a lot interviews about writers or actors who "LOVE TO READ." And it leaves me feeling a bit lacking. Why? Do I feel dumb because I don't pick a book up every night before bed? Maybe. To be honest the stuff most people read these days seems like it might make them dumber. Don't get me started on those vampires. Does reading increase your imagination? I don't know. It seems like it might tie you down more. Who knows.

As much as I appreciate imagination I can't help but feel these days it's more helpful to be in touch with "real life." And yet real life is often so horrid that maybe a simple escape would do us good. Or how about the innovators of the past. Without imagination they would not have dared even dream up some of the things that helped make real life easier. So basically I've got no good conclusions on the subject.

I think though, I'll give myself some slack. Sure I don't care what the latest vampire book says, but I don't think I ever did. And I don't think I'll be losing any of my imagination. I can still play pretend with the best of any 5 year olds. And while I might not sit down every night with so and so's memoirs I think I might try to etch a little more time in my life for a quality read. I think if we are not carful then sometimes the facebooks, twitters, and iphones can make life too cluttered. Maybe it is important to have that time to sit and muse on other people's words. They may not be right, but at least you've given yourself time draw a conclusion about it and not just ingested it without a thought. After all these musings, I think I may have talked myself into at least thinking about reading more.

This hole is deeper than I thought

I suppose naivete is nice thing really. When you have little to no idea what's ahead of you there are much less worries (besides the fact that your cockiness is probably unbearable to those around you...but you're so awesome that you are oblivious to their glares). Sometimes the know-all is so clueless that they try things no one else would dare fathom. Of course there's the 90% chance that reality will probably shoot them down in it's good time. At least I think that's my pessimistic view of things.

Being an occasional know-it-all myself, I find it hard sometimes to imagine that there could be something I haven't thought of yet. HAHAHAHAH. Of course my know-it-all self also knows that I can't possibly know it all. So that keeps me in check most of the time. Except today when I was reading other writers' thoughts on writing. It was terribly interesting but it made me see there's lots more work to be done. Apparently one semester on film writing doesn't make you an expert, but apparently 5+ seasons of show writing doesn't either (eh hem....BONES!). Somehow I feel like I've just walked through the woods for hours only to come to a clearing where I can now see the rest of my hike looming over me. I suppose the only upside to my realization that I have only an iota of a clue about writing is that instead of being turned off by the mountain that lay ahead of me I'm sort of energized to see what I can see. I was never good at sprinting anyways. I do much better with pacing myself for the long haul.

i think i just ordered a coffee coffee coffee

I can't be sure but I think I just ordered a $5 drink that tastes pretty weird. I added an extra shot of coffee cause I just cannot wake up. But when the guy called out my order as being ready he said something about a triple something or another. So now i'm kinda confused and I know well and good that if i asked they'd make me a new one, but I just hate being that person that complains. So I'm just gonna go add some sugar and have a lovely lunch time with my friend who just arrived.

Let me Know the Stuff I Know

So I've been told I need to blog some more and I figure in this case it's okay to give into peer pressure, especially since the person asking is so delightful. So this is for April. hahah. And in her honor, I am of course at Starbucks with my soy pumpkin spice latte and listening to music on my iPhone. All of this reminds me of Miss April. The only thing that would make this setup more perfect would be to listen to some M. Ward (but Jenny Lewis's new album will have to do).

I feel like a century has gone by since my last blog (in time and experiences I've had) so my choices to blog on are numerous. I think I'll just shoot the breeze and see what comes out.

Mostly I feel like God has been showing me some good stuff and even though some of it has been like pulling teeth (on my part. cause I'm sorta dense at times). The more I know, I just wish I could know the stuff I know. It's one thing to know you have groceries in the kitchen, but you need to know WHAT groceries you have if you want to be able to make a meal. Or the other day I was reading an old journal from high school. I'd written something there about how if you look at the world, you'll become like the world. If you keep your eyes on God you'll become more like him. Simple enough, but it took me until a few months ago to really know that statement and not just know of it. And honestly, I think I might spend life getting to know it more fully.

Let's see, let's see. WRITING! The more I toy with the idea of writing, the more I can see myself doing it. Some days I wake up excited and can't hurry enough to work on my project. Logically, I would dismiss the idea of me as writer, right away cause it's not practical. But I've never jumped out of bed with excitement to go be a nurse. I'll talk some about writing below. You can stop reading here if such things bore you.

As of late, I've been trying my hand at a screenplay about a missionary. I am realizing what my teacher said was true: Writing is not just an art, but a discipline. It's one thing to have a good idea, but to sit down and hack it out to something decent is just work work work. Unfortunately my personality is just a tad bit flighty. I can be cleaning my room, walk into the kitchen to throw something away, get distracted by a dish there, and completely abandon my room. The good news is (I think) that self-discipline is...well...a discipline. So maybe there's hope for me. Starbucks helps. Not really, but it's a mind game.

I've been told that to be a writer means to just sit down and write something everyday. Whoever said it, didn't work 12 hour nursing shifts. I guess I generally agree with the statement though. Some days I've sat for hours thinking only to change my characters name. I'm not sure that is a very productive day, but I just couldn't go on with the story until I knew her name. Thankfully I'm about to start some treatments and there won't be room for such frivolous details. I say treatments (essentially and outline of plot)because I cannot decide on a setting and I feel like I need to bust out some treatments for the various locations I am thinking of for the film I want to write before I can choose. I just need to commit to an idea and go for it instead of being held back by fear or whatever it is. I guess wish me luck. I'm gonna go start that now.

2010

Well I made it to the future. Ha. Well it still seems like the future. I'm kind of bummed there are no flying cars. All in All I'm excited about 2010. Living in my fun new apartment (me and the cat) is delightful and it makes me feel like life is happening and I must savor every bit. And there is just something about checking the mail when the mailbox is attached to your house (oh, who am I kidding, I love checking the mail in all types of places).

I don't usually make many resolutions. I would like to refocus on some goals though. It is hard to live for today sometimes. I think that's what God intended us to do though. So that is basically my goal. Listen to the Holy Spirit, be led by the Holy Spirit. Get my daily bread from the Lord. Don't get caught up in worrying and fretting about tomorrow. And if a day turns out bad,I just need to abide in Him...and just be a little like Scarlett O'Hara: "Tomorrow is another day!"