Okay, I admit it. I've decided I don't want to grow up. It might be too late for that though. You know what is so annoying to discover: i'm not tough at all. I used to picture myself like a tough little cookie...like V.I Warshawski or Cate Blanchett's characters.
And now after all these years I discover I'm not the least bit tough. ugh. It might just be that I'm overly stressed now, but I think it might be true. I'm really like those annoying characters in movies that you want to slap and tell them to git a grip. What has brought me to this realization? Just the little things that come with being a grown up I guess. Good and Bad things...doesn't matter, i just want to stay an immature kid i think. let me think on the last few months:
-ugh, i turned a quarter of century old.
-just bought a new car.
-took 3 vacations which is a bit luxurious and yet somehow not completely satisfying
-found a primary care physician? lame.
-i'm vegan now. weird.
-i'm responsible for the lives of others on a regular basis.
-and now i've had my first patient die. this sucks beyond belief. despite all the interventions they are still gone. what the heck?
-i have a car payment to go with the pretty new car.
-i review my credit report. you know as a kid you don't even have one...so carefree.
-now when i go to weddings people expect that i must want to be in my own.
-i get a bit of road rage when people tailgate me.
-my brain is so full of information i've become senile...that or i'm dehydrated and hungry and therefore cannot think. which ever...you know this never happens to kids. they always have something clever to say.
-i work in a job i don't like and yet cannot bring myself to quit...did i mention new car payment?
-i'm responsible for making sure other people get fed...okay it's the cats and dogs..but still.
-i can't just lean on the faith of my mother...i've got to have my own. hmmm.
-they say gas prices are high. i've not thought a lot about it...but i'm sure it's bad for me;D
-i'm not in the military...so i'm stuck with all the responsibilty of my life...
